My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
