you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
