Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
