I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
