I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
