This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
