In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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