Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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