So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
