I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
