It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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