Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
