currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
