Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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