What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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