Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
