You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize