I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
