either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
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The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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