I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
