I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
