considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
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He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
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Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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