oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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