she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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