Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
