The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
