Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...

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  (202): You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell... http://tfl.nu/oe10
  Replies (8) Good night (713) Bad night (1943)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

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  (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt
  Replies (76) Good night (39086) Bad night (2024)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich

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  (240): shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich http://tfl.nu/bipz
  Replies (78) Good night (2511) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.

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  (918): I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass. http://tfl.nu/pyjz
  Replies (15) Good night (695) Bad night (5151)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?

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  (678): How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart? http://tfl.nu/us70
  Replies (22) Good night (1460) Bad night (5791)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?

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  (508): Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"? http://tfl.nu/9ial
  Replies (29) Good night (1027) Bad night (2939)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.

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  (347): He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for. http://tfl.nu/v3jd
  Replies (30) Good night (4514) Bad night (1587)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.

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  (406): It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house. http://tfl.nu/r4z4
  Replies (5) Good night (2650) Bad night (1870)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.

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  (609): he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it. http://tfl.nu/w24u
  Replies (18) Good night (1647) Bad night (6848)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius

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  (254): Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius http://tfl.nu/icdq
  Replies (11) Good night (1918) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...

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  (913): Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen... http://tfl.nu/fq09
  Replies (15) Good night (960) Bad night (2192)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.

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  (401): You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous. http://tfl.nu/cb7r
  Replies (4) Good night (1364) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down

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  (845): one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down http://tfl.nu/yzd4
  Replies (5) Good night (1825) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"

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  (813): Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one" http://tfl.nu/9qkk
  Replies (1) Good night (597) Bad night (302)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....

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  (248): It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory.... http://tfl.nu/ewu1
  Replies (4) Good night (451) Bad night (838)

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