I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
