I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.