Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?

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  (978): ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm? http://tfl.nu/7m7e
  Replies (22) Good night (1947) Bad night (4047)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.

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  (716): Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it. http://tfl.nu/yc12
  Replies (22) Good night (2568) Bad night (1839)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"

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  (517): the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed" http://tfl.nu/ho10
  Replies (132) Good night (5126) Bad night (781)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.

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  (920): He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car. http://tfl.nu/srqw
  Replies (38) Good night (11197) Bad night (1319)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.

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  (419): Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation. http://tfl.nu/zsht
  Replies (2) Good night (1899) Bad night (540)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.

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  (630): Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms. http://tfl.nu/uuzs
  Replies (13) Good night (781) Bad night (2273)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club

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  (859): he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club http://tfl.nu/kd8o
  Replies (9) Good night (1180) Bad night (587)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  He's a Shit stain on my heart

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  (719): He's a Shit stain on my heart http://tfl.nu/9sgb
  Replies (11) Good night (660) Bad night (1303)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life

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  (937): Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life http://tfl.nu/0ubb
  Replies (1) Good night (439) Bad night (680)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.

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  (910): 6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class. http://tfl.nu/7ju6
  Replies (2) Good night (828) Bad night (387)
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  (408): View more from California

  We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!

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  (408): We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?! http://tfl.nu/o08x
  Replies (3) Good night (706) Bad night (340)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  i've created a new STD.

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  (330): i've created a new STD. http://tfl.nu/t8hp
  Replies (8) Good night (344) Bad night (1280)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.

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  (720): A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively. http://tfl.nu/qap5
  Replies (1) Good night (448) Bad night (261)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"

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  (304): He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance" http://tfl.nu/4970
  Replies (0) Good night (508) Bad night (429)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.

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  (315): I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun. http://tfl.nu/dmt9
  Replies (4) Good night (391) Bad night (224)

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