Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today