Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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