Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
