there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
