So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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