I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I AM VODKA MAN
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
