i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I think i got beer on your cat.
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