This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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