im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
