This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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