how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
