he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
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Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize