don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im six kinds of drunk right now
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
