dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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