So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
