even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just found puke in my bra..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
