Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
