i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
