true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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