her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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