Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
