Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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