your parents love me but you hate me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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