do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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