hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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