I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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