is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
