My first STD was from a foam party
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
