sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
