there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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