My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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