i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
