did you get engaged???
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
