Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
