You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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